We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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