Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
