There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
