and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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