this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
