Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
