I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
