I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
