Girls should come with a carfax report
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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