What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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