Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
