Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
