Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
