Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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