Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
