But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drunk is a universal language darling
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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