shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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