He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
