Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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