I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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