well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
