I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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