I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
