Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
