I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
