her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
