I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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