i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
