And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
