Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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