the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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