I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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