rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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