I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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