I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
