M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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