READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
