My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
this hospital has no fireball
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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