It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
