His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
