I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
