im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize