this boner is exhausting
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
