it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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