When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
