I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
