Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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