i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
