my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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