nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
