Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
