I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
