I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
