Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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