Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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