Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
