I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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