best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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