It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
