its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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