Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
