So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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