I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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