TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
