We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
