I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize